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Knowing how to talk to children about Cancer
the really hard questions

Supporting your child with cancer and their siblings children through diagnosis and treatment is a complex and sensitive undertaking. Like all family members, children need emotional support and they need to understand the illness. Siblings also need to have basic daily routines maintained and they need to understand your family’s guidelines about privacy – what’s okay to share and what isn’t. Resolving these needs depends largely on the age of the children and the prognosis.

How to talk openly and honestly will vary on how much your child knows and understands. You know your children best.

We spoke with Chartered Clinical Psychologists Dr Debbie Ford and Dr Ann Rowland from Child Bereavement UK , both have extensive experience of working with children and assisted us greatly with our ‘It’s Good to Talk’ support films.

It's Good To Talk Films

How to Begin

Be prepared. Learn all you can about the diagnosis, treatment schedule. Children of different ages have different kinds of questions, our support films will guide you to key responses.

Teaching children. Even young children sense when something is being kept secret from them and what they believe is happening may be worse than the reality. The sooner your children know, the more included they will feel and the more able they are to understand change.

Begin with what your child can see and understand: “So your sister/brother is always tired…” Using the word cancer helps children to become familiar with the word when they hear other adults use it.

Give time for your child to absorb the information. Some children may immediately burst into tears as they associate cancer with death, other may have little reaction. Explain as clearly as you can where in the body the cancer is, the treatments, and how it’s likely to affect family life.

Be honest. You can’t promise a cure but you can assure your children that they will be looked after. Children often fear being alone more than death.

Dealing with a terminal diagnosis

A child being diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour is one of the most devastating and terrifying things that any parent can go through. Having to talk to your child and maybe their siblings is heartbreaking.

How much you decide to share with your child is a personal decision and generally speaking there is no right way to address the conversation. Every family and every child is different, but honesty, however it is framed is the best way.

A child will sense when things are changing, when their parents are upset, when treatment stops or when people start being over indulgent. They will have questions and if they are not answered might start imagining answers that may leave them scared and distressed.

Open and honest conversations are important for the whole family. When a child has come to terms with the fact that they are going to die they may very well want to be involved in the planning. As distressing as it is for a parent it could be important for the child to be involved and feel a sense of control – how they are going to say goodbye, how they want to spend their remaining time, gifting presents and messages to siblings or planning the music at their funeral.

Funeral funding

Since 2019 a Children’s Funeral Fund is available in England.

The Fund will cover burial and cremation fees and some associated costs. Families should not need to claim from the fund as it is usually dealt with by the funeral directors directly.